Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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