Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
