either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
