What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
