Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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