You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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