Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
