I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize