You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
