Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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