what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
