DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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