I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
