I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize