based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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