Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
