Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
