I'm pants shitting drunk right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
