you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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