i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
