If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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