dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
