someone threw a dead crab at me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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