TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
