yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it because I queefed?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize