So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
