Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
