So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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