He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
