Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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