Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
