He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
