when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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