Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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