apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
