1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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