i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
