Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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