but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
