I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
