Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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