I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Boobs speak an international language.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
