im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
