Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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