We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
