Three words: puerto rican gang bang
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
