Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
