rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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