i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
