It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
