I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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