I didn't shave. On purpose
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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