I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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