I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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