I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
