Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
