I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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