you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
