Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my poor anus
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
