Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
