Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
