Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
