I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
