I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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