oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
