You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
