I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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