I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
