her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
